Jeremy: 6, Cockroaches: 1

One always hears tales of the enormous rats and cockroaches that infest the city of New York. I’ve seen the subway rats, and perchance they are not as large as the famed sewer rats, but it was nothing to write home about.

So too it was with the cockroaches. Over the course of the last so many months I’ve had the misfortune to come across half a dozen of the little buggers. On the whole, they were of a size quite becoming to a beetle, which is to say rather small.

That all changed this morning. As I attempted to start my day off with the morning shower, I soon learned that the bathtub was already occupied. Please believe that I attempted to acquire a photograph to verify my claims; however, the camera was having difficulty focusing in the dark of the bathroom, and the picture ended up looking more like Big-Foot than a cockroach. However, without the aid of calipers, I tell you honestly that the beast was significantly larger and wider than my own thumb, the antennae doubling that length.

Deciding that the bathroom was not large enough to share with this unwelcomed guest, I grabbed a plastic container of sanitizing wipes and started to bludgeon the unholy creature to his doom. I knew that my previous experience with his now clearly inferior kin would avail me on this day. I thanked God that the battle was to commence within the confines of the porcelain (or perhaps fiberglass) tub, as there was a surprising and disgusting amount of blood spilled and splattered, all of which, I am happy to report, belonged to that villian the cockroach.

Satisfied that my task was acomplished and the battle won, I reached for the burial shroud (read: toilet paper) of my fallen foe. However, as I reached for his broken and limp body, the most amazing thing happened. He got up, made an obscene gesture, and scurried down the drain.

Of course I opened the flood-gates in what is no doubt a vain attempt to drown the prince of cockroaches. While he was forced to retreat this day, I know that he will be back, no doubt at the time and place of his choosing. I must stay vigilant, for he will have learned from my attacks on this encounter, and will be prepared with a new strategy on our next encounter. I only hope that his is not so cowardly as to attack whilst I slumber.

– Jeremy







One response to “Jeremy: 6, Cockroaches: 1”

  1. julie Avatar

    Good gracious, where’s your katana when you need it? By the way, how are you liking Don Quixote so far? 😉

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